


Health Conscious

by kenwayhoe



Category: The Thick of It (TV)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Comedy, Fluff, Food, M/M, or at least an attempt at comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-16 00:07:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28697430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kenwayhoe/pseuds/kenwayhoe
Summary: Shoutout to my two twitter friends, Bethan and Abby, for inspiring me to write this!
Relationships: Adam Kenyon/Fergus Williams
Comments: 6
Kudos: 31





	Health Conscious

**Author's Note:**

> Shoutout to my two twitter friends, Bethan and Abby, for inspiring me to write this!

“Adam?”

“Yea Ferg?”

“We’re not getting any younger are we?”

Adam put down the document he had been reading on the kitchen island. Rather than being spoken in the typical rhetoric way the phrase is known for, Fergus had asked it earnestly, if not a bit anxiously. 

“No, we’re not.” Adam said slowly as if his husband was mad.

“Hmm.”

“What’s up Ferg?”

“Ah, no, nothing. Or, well, I was just reading up on some stuff-” _here we go again_ “and did you know that riding a roller coaster can help you pass a kidney stone?”

“Shut up and finish your work.”

* * *

Adam liked being close to Fergus. He liked the accidental bumps when they walked, the brushing of their shoulders as they squeezed themselves through a door together, the feel of Fergus’ back as he pressed a guiding hand to it. This morning though, he could do without the closeness. 

Although he wouldn’t vocally admit it, Adam was sure that Fergus had stayed up obsessing over weird health articles from websites that asked for your bank account details. He could feel the leftover jitteriness that flowed through Fergus’ veins like the cholesterol his husband was surely thinking about.

When it was their turn to order in the starbucks line, Adam was about to ask for their usual, but Fergus interjected with something new. Egg bites. As the two walked to work, Fergus fumbling to eat his bites with a fork amidst the busy walkway, Adam spoke up.

“Didn’t feel like having a cheese danish today?”

“Oh, well, you know. I heard that eating eggs improves your reflexes, that’s all.”

“Right. And you need those sharp for your side job as a lifeguard do you?”

Fergus waved his fork at Adam, subsequently flinging a bit of egg at him.

“I’m sure it has some sort of benefit in the bedroom.”

“Carry on then.”

* * *

“Going out for milk, need anything?” Adam called out from the door where he was putting his coat on.

“Apples!” 

“Apples? You’re allergic to apples.”

“And?” questioned Fergus who had now walked into the living room. At Adam’s questioning look he continued.

“The scent of them can ease claustrophobia!”

“Neither of us is claustrophobic. Our many trysts in broom closets is proof enough of that.”

“Yea but you never know what a person can develop.”

Adam didn’t bring back any apples.

* * *

It had been a longer day than usual at DoSac and all Adam wanted to do was brush his teeth and go to bed. Fergus, however, seemed to have some lingering manic energy from the day and decided to terrorize his husband with it.

“Pissing in a pool is bad for your heart you know.” Fergus said around a mouthful of toothpaste froth.

“We haven’t been to a pool once in our relationship and you can’t even swim.”

“True. I wouldn’t even piss in a pool anyway.”

“Of course not Fergus.”

* * *

“Do you know if Mrs. Tatiana’s cat has ticks?”

Adam opened his eyes and looked at the nightstand clock. It was 3:27am. 

“Ferg, sweetheart, ask me that again.”

Fergus put down his iPad and turned to his husband. Very much keyed up despite the hour.

“Well you sometimes speak to her when taking the trash out and stuff, maybe she mentioned it to you at some point. Old ladies who live alone love talking about that stuff.”

“I don’t know if her cat has ticks.”

“Hm, would you ask her next time you see her?”

“Why would I?”

“A tick bite can make you allergic to red meat.”

Adam sighed and went back to sleep.

* * *

Bleary from sleep, Adam forced himself out of the surprisingly empty bed. Usually he was the first out which most likely meant that Fergus hadn’t slept much last night. Adam got up and shuffled to the bathroom only to find it occupied by a mad person. Fergus was standing with his face inches away from the sink mirror, holding his eyes open as he seemed to search for something.

“Hello Gollum, you haven’t seen my husband have you? He’s ginger, a bit cute after a few drinks, and a bit of a knob on occasion.”

Fergus put his hands down and turned to Adam.

“Ha ha very funny. Good morning to you too twat.”

“Ferg, if I may even ask, what are you doing?”

“Hey actually, since you’re up, could you check my pupils out? Apparently they can hint at your Alzheimer’s risk. I can check yours too if you like.”

Adam closed the door with a sigh.

* * *

While Adam Kenyon was not a renaissance man, he still liked to think that he was an experienced one. In his youth he learned how to tie cherry knots with his tongue. As a journalist he learned how to survive on snickers and red bulls alone. And as a special advisor to a junior minister he learned how to deal with the end of the world everyday until 6pm. Adam, however, did not know how to make boxed lunches.

He had assumed throwing just a bit of this and that would suffice but if youtube was anything to go by, there were thousands of videos that seemed to scream “You absolute simpleton! You can’t just make a ham and cheese sandwich! What’s wrong with you!” 

In consequence, Adam was now making little animals out of each food group for his now health freak of a husband on a Monday morning. The sausage octopuses had been surprisingly easy to do and rice was always a bit of an easy make. Accompanied by cherry tomatoes and boiled eggs, all he needed to do now was to add some final decorative touches.

“What the hell is that?”

“It’s a bear, now go away.”

After a blind jab of his elbow towards his husband, Adam attempted to get on with his task but the ginger pest pressed up against his back persisted. 

“That looks like rice and ham to me.”

“Okay so it’s a bear made out of rice and ham.” 

Adam put the spoon in his hand down and nudged Fergus a little so he could turn to him. 

“Shouldn’t you be dressed by now? I’ll call for the car and leave you here by yourself if you threaten to make me late.”

Fergus made a show of looking down at himself, “Oh am I still wearing boxers? Heavens above! My trousers must have escaped me!”

Adam leveled him with a stare.

“C’mon it’s Monday! You can’t expect me to be Super Junior Minister Man on a Monday. Why don’t you come back to bed with me for just a bit eh Batman?”

“Well unlike you, I’m already dressed and need to finish this so _go away_.”

Fergus looked his husband up and down as if finally registering what he had on.

“You’re wearing an apron.”

Adam bristled, “I _am_ in the kitchen aren’t I.”

“Yea but you’ve never worn it before, it was just a joke gift from my brother. You look _bloody_ hot in it though Adam. Can’t believe you took this long to wear it.”

“Well guess what, if you get dressed soon, I’ll let you take it off in the evening and who knows if there will be anything underneath, yea?”

If Fergus had any lingering questions about why Adam “I ate instant ramen everyday in university for breakfast” Kenyon was suddenly making a healthy (and cute) looking lunchbox this morning, well, they soon dissipated as he rushed to get ready.

* * *

The minute lunch time had come around, Fergus had impatiently drug Adam out of DoSac and to the second nearest park. The pair were sat on the swings and while Adam had already dug into his own matching lunch, Fergus was still staring at his.

“And what are these?”

“Octopuses, just eat them.”

“The bear is kind of cute. A little grumpy. Just like you!”

Adam kicked his leg out to his husband.

“Lunch time is going to be over soon at this rate.”

“I just want to appreciate it a bit more that’s all. Second year into marriage and it’s the first packed lunch I’ve received from you! Thanks Adders, really.”

Adam shrugged a shoulder.

"Just did it so you'd quit with the health facts all the time."

Fergus popped an octopus into his mouth. 

"With you and this rice bear's head by my side, who even cares about dementia right?"

Adam smiled, "Who even gives a fuck about it."

**Author's Note:**

> twitter account @samrockwhale btw if anyone wants to follow!


End file.
